"Dream On" by Aerosmith

My plans for writing these past few days were thrown out the window when I had an unexpected family visit. Although I had a lot of other songs I wanted to write about this month, I only have one night left. And I had to make it count.

As I've said before, this year has been something else. I won't call it bad, because it wasn't. But it was...different. I've never felt more delusional and crazy at times during 2019. And, yet, I've also felt freer and more myself than I have in the past 30 years of my life. I'm a lot closer to something akin to balance than I have ever been and for that, I am grateful. There was a period, earlier this year, when things were extra tough and all my efforts seemed so futile. Then, one morning, "Dream On" came on the radio....and it was the first time I had actually really heard the song. Mind you, I grew up on Aerosmith. They are part of my musical DNA, on par with the likes of Stevie Nicks, David Bowie, Queen, Cher, the Beatles, the Stones, the Doors, and Elton John. However, you can hear a song every single day and still not understand it. Then, all of a sudden, the lyrics take on this weight and meaning that they didn't have the day before. And you can't un-hear it, because it's in your soul now. That's basically what happened to me that day and I couldn't think of a better song to encapsulate my mentality going into 2020.

Every time when I look in the mirror

All these lines on my face getting clearer

The past is gone

It went by, like dusk to dawn

Isn't that the way

Everybody's got the dues in life to pay

I know nobody knows

Where it comes and where it goes

I know it's everybody sin

You got to lose to know how to win

"Dream On," much like "Carry On Wayward Son," captures a specific moment in the Hero's Journey that is absolutely essential in the creation of a legend and the plot of a story. It's the point where the Hero has wandered into the Abyss, unsure of how to get back. S/he has faced a crushing defeat and has to question everything s/he's believed up until that point. Every choice, every wrong turn, every decision made is called up for review. In many ways, it is the lowest point in the journey and what the Hero does next determines who they become. Assuming they choose to embrace their destiny (to be the Hero), that's when s/he realizes....there were no wrong turns, only lessons that helped them become the person they needed to be in that moment. To conquer the next challenge. To overcome the biggest obstacle in the Hero's Journey, which is always self-doubt and fear. It's when the fire returns and they go on to conquer these fears and redeem themselves for their past mistakes. After the Tower has collapsed, the Star comes out. Whether or not you choose to follow it is always your choice. And don't worry - there's plenty of Stars and it's never to late (or too early) to start following one.

I've been having a lot of weird dreams lately. Most recently, I had a dream that I had to fill up a pool with salt water using a wooden bucket. Even in the dream, it was understood that this was a lesson in character building. I mean, the pool did need to be filled for some reason but there was probably an easier way to do it. However, I knew intuitively that the point wasn't to get the water to the pool, it was to grow stronger and more patient in the process. I've been pondering this, as well as some thoughts I heard on a podcast regarding Jupiter in Capricorn. Jupiter is a benefic planet, meaning that - when it's well placed (as it was in 2019, when it was in Sagittarius, a sign it rules) - it lends an expansive, lucky energy to everything it influences. However, in Capricorn, Jupiter is in its Fall. Now, bear with me because I'm just now starting to understand the essential dignities of each planet, but what that means is that Jupiter's influence is severely handicapped. The luck is more in seeing the lesson for what it is, not that you'll get anything tangible out of the experiences you have. The astrologer went on to say that, in 2020, the skies are kind of against us. So if we want a happy ending, you have to be willing to work for it. There ain't no magical transits coming to save us in 2020. Fortune will favor those who are willing to dig in and create their own magic. Who can see the Abyss in front of them and are willing to walk into it anyway. Even if their compass is sorta broken and they traded their last candle to a traveling bard for a really cool looking grimoire. The way I've read the energy for 2020 - astrologically and empathically - is that we're all headed for a major course correction in some way. Regardless of how that plays out for each of us, what matters is who we choose to be every day. If you're not working to be who you want to be every single day, 2020 (and every year after) is going to fucking suck for you. And you'll have no one to blame but yourself.

However, if you are trying to embody your Destiny and your Highest Self - by trying to bring your thoughts, words, and deeds into alignment - I have just one message for you in the last moments of 2019....

Dream on, my dear Hero.

"Dream On" Video

"Drops of Jupiter" by Train

This has been a favorite throughout the past two decades (it came out in 2001). I just got back from a long car trip and I'm not feeling all that great so not much to say. I haven't meditated a week. Honestly, I've been so tired, I've mostly slept. However, I felt like I should post something and this song came to mind.

I looked up the song meaning - it's about the death of Pat Monahan's mother. I found his thoughts on it kind of poetic and beautiful: "The best thing we can do about loss of love is find ourselves through it." The less personal interpretation, which also came from Pat Monahan, is that it's about "a woman who is strong and has to find out who she is and a man willing to let her do that."

Now that she's back from that soul vacation

Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey

She checks out Mozart while she does tae-bo

Reminds me that there's a-room to grow, hey, hey, yeah

Now that she's back in the atmosphere

I'm afraid that she might think of me as

Plain ol' Jane, told a story about a man

who is too afraid to fly so he never did land

I find that the further I go down this road, the softer I get. After many years, I've realized that - if you're doing this right - that's what is supposed to happen. Wisdom doesn't make you more inflexible, more stubborn, more closed, more unkind, more hard. It does the opposite. And I wonder what it must seem like to the outsider and I think this song encapsulates that. The lyrics are written from the point of view of a man who is in awe of this woman who has grown so much, even though he's mocking it a little. Just another defense mechanism. It's scary. He's afraid he's going to be left behind. Sometimes, that's what happens. You have to leave people behind, even if you don't want to. That's just how life goes. You can't do the work for someone else - that seems to be my constant lesson and yet, I can't help but feel like I should do something. Yet, there's very little I can do outside of being an example to follow (however lackluster an example that is). And being present. When I type it out, it seems like such a small contribution, but I know how important it is all the same. Because most people don't even bother. And I'm starting to bother.

"Drops of Jupiter" Video

"Santa Baby" by Eartha Kitt

I felt I'd be remiss if I didn't feature at least on Christmas song this month. I chose my second favorite, after "All I Want For Christmas is You." "Santa Baby" has two things going for it - it perfectly encapsulates the consumerist culture of the American Holiday Season and it's definitely a song you can strip to. There are many versions of this song but I've chosen the classic version performed by Eartha Kitt, because it's the version I remember fondly from my childhood.

Think of all the fun I've missed

Think of all the fellas that I haven't kissed

Next year I could be also good

If you'll check off my Christmas list

In recent years, I've taken to buying myself my own Christmas gifts. I never really buy myself anything during the year so I figure the Holiday season is a reasonable time to splurge. I even wrap them up and put them beneath the tree, so it seems like Santa brought Mama stuff, too. Of course, this tradition has developed after several years of me over-giving at Christmas. When I was a teenager, I got in the habit of telling my parents I didn't want anything for Christmas because I didn't want them wasting money on me. This was a mistake because they still wasted money, it was just on things I didn't want. Meanwhile, I would spend tons of money on super thoughtful gifts for everyone else. I remember one year I went all out and bought everyone l'Occitane hand creams and maple candy from Vermont, in addition to the presents I'd already bought them, which was usually something they had hinted at wanting earlier in the year. This is obviously unsustainable, which is why I keep it simple now. I buy people gift cards and I only ask for gift cards - because people usually like free money. It may be impersonal but most people usually aren't going to be disappointed, as long as you know what stores they like. This works out for my family because we're full of people who are notoriously difficult to buy for. And, no, we do not do homemade presents. If you met my family, you'd instantly understand why.

As for myself, I've got simple - albeit expensive - tastes. I'm very particular and I'm not above giving direct orders to people with "Hey, I like this...buy it for me." Which is why I'm always surprised and a little disappointed when they get it wrong. I like books and witchcraft supplies. The most thoughtful gift the Husband ever got me was "Twilight," which set off three months obsessing over the books with my roommate while I read them. It was thoughtful in that, even though I hadn't ever expressed a desire to read it, he knew it was the sort of shit I like reading and bought it for me. I like clothes from mid-range stores, fancy lingerie, and bohemian crap from World Market. I like delicate, feminine jewelry that has the potential to get lost easily and requires me to take care of it. I like luxury skincare products and expensive perfume from designer brands. And - yes - much like Eartha Kitt, I would like a yacht, a classic car (but not in light blue....gross), and (although I'm ashamed to admit this) a fur coat. However, since Santa does not exist, I'll have to buy this stuff on my own. And, to be honest, I don't mind it. It's one of the rare times of year when I can buy something for myself without feeling too guilty.

That being said, it is nice to be on the receiving end of Christmas once in a while. Maybe next year.

"Santa Baby" Video

"When the Darkness Comes" by Colbie Caillat

This song showed up on one of my Spotify mixes. I couldn't tell you which one, because I have so many. Most people only get 2 or 3 Spotify mixes - I have more like 7 or 8 because my tastes are conflicting/diverse/divergent and the algorithm prefers to only put similar genres in the same playlist. I'm all about breaking algorithms. I think this showed up in the one with all the emo music (i.e., MCR, the Spill Canvas, Breaking Benjamin). Which I find weird, because this is as dark as Colbie Caillat gets. Don't get me wrong - my inner Basic Bitch loves some Colbie Caillat but that's the shit you put on when you're enjoying a nice cup of tea and journaling about your feelings. Super girly. It probably does not belong in an emo playlist.

When I heard this song and realized it was from a movie, I instantly wanted to watch the movie because that's how I am. This song is on the soundtrack for "The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones" and, given how closely the lyrics match up with the events in the film, it was probably written specifically for it. I watched the movie last night. I enjoyed it but it's the sort of shit I seek out on my own - half-Angel demon slayers (called Shadow Hunters), a beautiful heroine who doesn't know how she is a part of this secret world, and lots of magic and pseudo-goth fashion. Also, it stars Lily Collins, who I think is gorgeous. She's kind of my ideal and, if I had the opportunity to choose what I look like (for example, if real life had a Character Creator -type function), I'd choose to look like her. I'm starting to realize I have a very consistent type, regardless of whether someone is male or female.

Lily Collins

Anyway, I liked the movie but they never made the sequels from the book series, which means I now have to read the book series if I want to know what happens next (Oh...How tragic.) It wasn't a bad movie, it just wasn't a popular one when it came out and I'm trying to put my finger on why. I think the reason is because Clary Fray, unlike other heroines in young adult paranormal/dystopian fiction, isn't an all out badass. She's more on the feminine side and she spends most of the movie either in awe of the magic, confused about what the fuck is happening, or enamored with mysterious Shadow Hunter, Jace. During the action sequences, she's hesitant to jump into the chaos and when she does take the initiative, her actions often seem reckless considering the circumstances. In short, she behaves like how a normal young woman would act if thrust into an unfamiliar shadow world where she doesn't know the rules. In general, the American movie goer wants their "strong female lead" to be a specific type of "strong woman." They're looking for a heroine who is skilled at and willing to engage in violence - like Katniss Everdeen in "Hunger Games" - or is the most intelligent person in the entire story, like Hermione Granger. And if she is a milquetoast female character, like Bella Swan in "Twilight," she sure as hell better not know she's attractive. Clary Fray defies these rules - upon her first encounter with the Shadow Hunters, she nearly exposes them because she's horrified by their inexplicable murder in the middle of a dance club of someone who she believes is human. She seems to be of average intelligence, with more emphasis on her creative pursuits (she's a talented illustrator and attends poetry readings for fun). Finally, she knows she pretty and often uses her attractiveness to her advantage. And you know what? There's nothing wrong with that.

Now the door is open

The world I knew is broken

There's no return

Now my heart is not scared

Just knowing that you're out there

Watching me

So believe I'll be here waiting

Hoping, praying that

This light will guide you home

When you're feeling lost I'll leave my love

Hidden in the sun

For when the darkness comes

Also, there's some weirdness in that Jace may or may not be her brother. Again, there's a story behind that - I suspect he's not actually her brother and telling them this is just another manipulation by the villain in the series. However, still an iffy direction for the author to go in terms of plot twists. Especially since, when this information is revealed, it's after Clary and Jace have already had a hot make-out scene. But, hey, apparently that's what people are into nowadays.

"When the Darkness Comes" Video

"Bad Things" by Jace Everett

I meant to feature this song during September, during the "Where have I heard that before?" theme but I ran out of month. This song is played during the title sequence of "True Blood." Before Netflix got really popular and added the "Skip Intro" option, the most recent Golden Age of TV also went hand-in-hand with the Golden Age of Opening Sequences. The best shows of the early 2000s - "True Blood," "Mad Men," and "Grey's Anatomy" - had iconic title sequences to start off the show and set the tone. Netflix has been trying to bring that back - all of the Marvel shows had pretty brilliant title sequences, as do many of its other shows, but - let's face it - people don't feel like that's worth their time anymore. Which is a shame, in a way, because I know someone works really hard on those intros who I'm sure is super proud of what they created. As I was saying, the "True Blood" title sequence was wonderful, partially because of this song and partially because of the imagery used in the sequence. First off, this song is indelibly sexy, which is perfect for a show where the sexual undertones were a key factor for both its popular appeal and subject matter. All paranormal romance - no matter how "wholesome" the author tries to make it seem (lookin' at you, Stephanie Meyer and "Twilight") - is about society's uncomfortable relationship with sex. Particularly the "wrong" kind of sex, which is usually outside the confines of marriage and with people it shouldn't be with. Vampires and werewolves have an especially torrid subtext, which is why they are featured most often in these types of stories. Vampires often have powers of mind control and hypnosis - in a psychological context, seduction (even the non-paranormal kind) is about using sexuality to influence the behavior of another for your own benefit. Vampires do this prolifically, often with horrifying consequences for the victim. Werewolves, on the other hand, get at the animalistic side of human lust and the fear of not being able to control our urges for another. Again, the underlying context is that carnal lust leads to extreme pain, shame, and heartbreak for both the object of lust and the person trying to control it within themselves. The lyrics to "Bad Things" combines both of these concepts perfectly into one badass country song.

The second reason the "True Blood" intro is awesome is the imagery. As I've mentioned, I love the Southern Gothic aesthetic and the title sequence plays the song against a series of images that sum up the underlying contradictions of this style. The wholesome, hospitable image of the American South contrasted starkly against the unsavory underbelly of its history and culture, along with the heavy occult themes that give the region its distinctive flavor. "True Blood" takes place in a small town in Louisiana, deep in the bayou, where the locals seem normal enough until you get to know them. For every church, there's a seedy strip club or bar. For every welcoming face, there's a hidden viper pit of contempt and suspicion. The cinematographer very cleverly inserts an image of a Baptist church with a sign that says "God Hates Fangs," a play on the vampire underworld the story brings to the surface and the very real bigotry towards the LGBT community that exists in the South. Bigotry and standing up against it is a central theme in the Sookie Stackhouse series that Charlaine Harris used her writing to draw attention to. The diversity of characters in the world that Harris has built is definitely something to emulate as a writer. This dedication to showcasing the range of personalities within Bon Temps carries over into the show. The show does not really follow the books and, weirdly enough, it's one of the few instances where that doesn't bother me. The screenwriters took the idea - what if the invention of synthetic blood allowed vampires (and other supernatural creatures) to live out in the open? - and ran with it. Although the plot points changed a lot, they were true to the material and to the message of the story.

When you came in, the air went out

And every shadow filled up with doubt

I don't know who you think you are

But before the night is through

I wanna do bad things with you

I'm the kind to sit up in his room

Heart sick and eyes filled up with blue

I don't know what you've done to me

But I know this much is true

I wanna do bad things with you, okay

The lyrics are fairly straightforward. A man is hanging out in a bar or wherever....I don't think the lyrics mention a bar specifically, but I like to picture a dive bar with wooden accents, pool tables, and dirty glasses. And possibly a pay phone. Yes, there is definitely an old-school pay phone for some reason, even in 2019. Anyway, there's a man - probably wearing jeans, a leather jacket, and cowboy boots - sitting in a bar, minding his own business. Then, a woman walks in. He doesn't know who she is, all he knows is she's beautiful. And she has dark hair, because all femme fatales have dark hair. It's a weird theatre trope that everyone follows - ingenues (good girls) have blonde hair, femme fatales (sexy troublemakers) have dark hair, and redheads are wild cards - and when you know about it, you see it everywhere. Look at any movie with Megan Fox, Angelina Jolie, or Eva Green - all excellent "femme fatale" type actresses. Moving on, she walks in and he's just consumed by her presence. He can't think of anything but bending her over one of the tables, lifting up her skirt, and just going for it. But he writes a song about it instead of talking to her. Because he's lame, in spite of his sexy voice. Obviously, I've pictured this scene a lot. It's a good scene.

And, thus, I reveal the guiltiest of my guilty pleasures. I read a surprising amount of paranormal/fantasy romance novels. I call them "junk food" books but the truth is, after reading a classic by Jane Austen or Victor Hugo, your brain needs a break. I can read these novels quickly (usually within a weekend, if I have enough free time) and they're always fun to read. Also - and I'm just now realizing it - but this is basically my genre. It's what I feel most comfortable and skilled at when writing. As much as I'd like to be super literary and write the Great American Novel™, I enjoy writing about horror, magic, fictional monsters, and sex. And the best advice I've ever heard on writing is you should write what you know and what you would enjoy reading. Write for yourself. And so I do.

"Bad Things" Video

"True Blood" Title Sequence

"Give Me Love" by Ed Sheeran

I don't like to write about an artist twice in the same month, especially when it's twice in a row. However, I'm making an exception because I find this song beautiful. Ed Sheeran could probably get any girl he wanted, in spite of his patchy, ginger beard and milquetoast British persona. You know why? Because he writes songs like this.

The music video for this song showed up in my YouTube recommendations (this is going to be a pattern for this month) recently. I was drawn to the video because the actress playing the main role was incredibly gorgeous. Which, after watching the video, make sense. She plays an Angel of Love, and most people think angels to be beautiful beings. Nevermind that most angelic lore says they have eyes all over their bodies, four different faces, and shine so brightly, humans may burst into flames if they saw one. But she's a beautiful angel and she goes around the city, shooting arrows and making people fall in love. However, she's a lone figure. Throughout the video, as she goes about her angelic business, she looks so sad and lonely. At the beginning of the video, we see the angel dead on the mattress in her loft apartment, killed by a single arrow to the heart. Later, we understand why - she shot herself with one of her love arrows so she could experience love for herself.

Give me love like her

'Cause lately I've been waking up alone

Paint splattered teardrops on my shirt

Told you I'd let them go

And that I'll fight my corner

Maybe tonight I'll call ya

After my blood turns into alcohol

No, I just wanna hold ya

There has been this turn in both the psychology and spirituality communities towards radical self-love. There's a theory that you can only love someone as deeply as you love yourself. It all has to do with reciprocity. In our heads, we have a set point on what we think we deserve in relationships, which has a lot to do with our childhood and our relationship with our parents. In fact, most of it has to do with the relationships we saw in childhood. If we had an unhealthy relationship dynamic as a reference point growing up, most of the time, we subconsciously seek out that same relationship dynamic in adulthood - even when we know that's not what we want. Dr. Nicole LePera talks a lot about this, using examples from both her psychological practice and her own life. It's a form of self-betrayal. We know what we want but we don't believe we deserve it because of that predetermined set point. Humans will rarely let another treat them better than they believe they deserve for very long. It's uncomfortable, because we're scared we won't be able to reciprocate - which will lead to abandonment and rejection. The problem is that, with each relationship that follows the unhealthy pattern, our negative beliefs about ourselves get reinforced. We're not worth the effort. We're hard to love or unlovable. Or we fall deeper into a pattern of people pleasing and then we become exhausted and resentful because it doesn't seem to ever work. For definition, self-betrayal is the process of ignoring/denying our own needs and desires in order to acquire the approval and validation of another. It usually develops early, especially when a child has a hyper-critical, neglectful, and/or abusive parent(s). Self-betrayal is a hallmark of a lack of self-love.

Self-betrayal shows up in a myriad of forms. It's pretending to not be hurt by the actions of another out of fear of being seen as too sensitive. It's allowing others to violate your boundaries constantly out of fear they'll abandon you. I could go on but this shit can be easily googled. The point is, like with all things, you can minimize self-betrayal simply by having an awareness that you're in this pattern. Then make a promise to yourself to choose differently, even though it's scary and uncomfortable. With each little promise kept, you begin to trust yourself more. You start to believe that you can protect yourself, when no one else could. And your self-esteem grows and you invest in yourself more. Finally, you understand what self-love feels like and it helps you realize that Love is not a finite resource. It's not a zero sum game. It's renewable and you're able to generate it for yourself. And being loved by another is an enjoyable bonus, not a requisite for survival. Surprisingly, this actually makes you appreciate it more. It takes strength to allow life to make you softer and more giving instead of cold and bitter. But you only understand that once you've been through Hell and back.

People who love themselves move differently. Sometimes, they come off strange to others - because the default in society has been self-hatred for so many years. We don't know what a healthy, well-adjusted person looks like because most of us have never seen one. However, there are some ways to tell when you're getting to that place. When you start to love yourself, you stop trying to impress people who are always looking for something to criticize and always blow your mistakes out of proportion, no matter how much good you do. You stop trying to get the attention of people who prefer to be distracted. You stop being someone you're not to fit into places you don't really want to be. You stop putting value in the opinions of people who don't value yours. You start speaking your mind, regardless of whether others want to hear what you have to say. You walk with purpose, you act with purpose, you speak with purpose. And you actively pursue being the person you want to be. The painful thing about this, though, is you might lose people who prefer to cling to the old version of you. But, it's easier to accept and forgive them for it, because you've been through that part of the journey, too.

I've lost the trail of what I was ranting about. I meditate before writing - sometimes the thoughts come through clearly and match up with any sentences I've written down earlier, sometimes they don't. I'm trying to be a bit more structured with my rants so that they follow in a linear, logical fashion (even though my brain doesn't really work like that....it prefers cascades and explosions of information that form tangled connections upon impact). I've also been digesting some heavy psychology concepts that aren't always easy to put into words without a lot of background information. But we're getting there. At this point in the challenge, I've done pretty well but as we approach the holidays, the posts might get a little more infrequent.

I did want to call out some musical notes for the song. During the bridge, Sheeran goes into some emotive singing. Fairly close to what the Beatles would do during the phase when they were doing Primal Scream Therapy (that's a whole 'nother rant for a different day). Ed Sheeran has one of the loveliest tenor voices in the industry today but the bridge is not pretty. The words come off desperate and it's uncomfortable to listen to - that's the point. When you feel starved of love, you feel desperate. Additionally, the album version of this song includes a second part. Honestly, it's a completely different song and feels like a hidden track because of the long break in between. It's sweet - it's got the sound of an Irish ballad, with lyrics to match. I highly recommend seeking out the full version of "Give Me Love."

"Give Me Love" Video

"I Don't Care" by Ed Sheeran, feat. Justin Bieber

When listening to this song, it is genuinely difficult to figure out when Ed Sheeran is singing and when Justin Bieber is singing. I think Ed sings the first verse and Justin sings the second verse, if I had to make a bet. (Note: When I wrote this, I had not seen the music video - turns out I was right! Also, the video is fucking lame.) As much as I don't like Justin Bieber as a person, I do like his voice. I know...I know....so shameful...

We at a party we don't wanna be at

Tryna talk, but we can't hear ourselves

Read your lips, I'd rather kiss 'em right back

With all these people all around

I'm crippled with anxiety

But I'm told it's where I'm supposed to be

You know what? It's kinda crazy 'cause I really don't mind

And you make it better like that

Today was exhausting, so I wanted to choose a song that always perks me right up. This song was released in May and it took a couple months to grow on me, but now it serves as a much needed pick-me-up some mornings. In general, I would describe myself as an introvert but I do like to be around people, even if we're not interacting. I'm very much one of those people who is totally okay with hanging out in the same room with someone while we do completely separate activities - because I like having their energy around. (Yes, I'm going to use the very woo-woo term of "energy" because I really don't know how better to describe it.) Obviously, I would prefer to be around people I like and in intimate settings (like small bars) where the amount of human energy is not wholly overwhelming. I don't always feel social, though, and as much as I'd like to be able to just turn it on, it doesn't work like that (although the right music can help). I used to be really socially anxious and as a result, I used to drink a lot more, because I'm more talkative when I'm drunk. I don't think twice about saying the sarcastic shit my brain comes up with. I'm not nervous to express my opinion or talk to people who I think are way cooler than me. It's something I had to work on. Something I'm still working on. It's not so bad anymore and, if I'm in a good mood, I don't even need a drink to feel comfortable enough to be myself.

This song is sort of like that. The lyrics are about a guy who is awkward and anxious in social settings, but when he's with his person, it doesn't seem so bad. That's definitely true. The right company always makes an uncomfortable situation a little easier. But that's another thing I'm working on. I'm trying to get better at doing things on my own, because I don't always have someone to drag along with me on my adventures. Shockingly, the Husband does not like obscure French films and isn't interested in going to local pagan arts & crafts shows. And, to be honest, doing these activities with a toddler in tow isn't always the easiest. It's uncomfortable to do stuff alone so I suspect it's probably good for me. Part of the Artist's Way program (which I'm going to give a second try in 2020) requires taking yourself on "Artist's Dates" every week for inspiration. Because you have to fill up the well or something like that. So you have experiences to draw on. Experiences that aren't colored by the presence of another person. I'm excited - I'm starting to kind of like my own company, even if that's a little arrogant to say. I'm a super awesome date, in my humble opinion. And I'm looking forward to some of the adventures I have planned for 2020.

"I Don't Care" Video