"I Don't Care" by Ed Sheeran, feat. Justin Bieber

When listening to this song, it is genuinely difficult to figure out when Ed Sheeran is singing and when Justin Bieber is singing. I think Ed sings the first verse and Justin sings the second verse, if I had to make a bet. (Note: When I wrote this, I had not seen the music video - turns out I was right! Also, the video is fucking lame.) As much as I don't like Justin Bieber as a person, I do like his voice. I know...I know....so shameful...

We at a party we don't wanna be at

Tryna talk, but we can't hear ourselves

Read your lips, I'd rather kiss 'em right back

With all these people all around

I'm crippled with anxiety

But I'm told it's where I'm supposed to be

You know what? It's kinda crazy 'cause I really don't mind

And you make it better like that

Today was exhausting, so I wanted to choose a song that always perks me right up. This song was released in May and it took a couple months to grow on me, but now it serves as a much needed pick-me-up some mornings. In general, I would describe myself as an introvert but I do like to be around people, even if we're not interacting. I'm very much one of those people who is totally okay with hanging out in the same room with someone while we do completely separate activities - because I like having their energy around. (Yes, I'm going to use the very woo-woo term of "energy" because I really don't know how better to describe it.) Obviously, I would prefer to be around people I like and in intimate settings (like small bars) where the amount of human energy is not wholly overwhelming. I don't always feel social, though, and as much as I'd like to be able to just turn it on, it doesn't work like that (although the right music can help). I used to be really socially anxious and as a result, I used to drink a lot more, because I'm more talkative when I'm drunk. I don't think twice about saying the sarcastic shit my brain comes up with. I'm not nervous to express my opinion or talk to people who I think are way cooler than me. It's something I had to work on. Something I'm still working on. It's not so bad anymore and, if I'm in a good mood, I don't even need a drink to feel comfortable enough to be myself.

This song is sort of like that. The lyrics are about a guy who is awkward and anxious in social settings, but when he's with his person, it doesn't seem so bad. That's definitely true. The right company always makes an uncomfortable situation a little easier. But that's another thing I'm working on. I'm trying to get better at doing things on my own, because I don't always have someone to drag along with me on my adventures. Shockingly, the Husband does not like obscure French films and isn't interested in going to local pagan arts & crafts shows. And, to be honest, doing these activities with a toddler in tow isn't always the easiest. It's uncomfortable to do stuff alone so I suspect it's probably good for me. Part of the Artist's Way program (which I'm going to give a second try in 2020) requires taking yourself on "Artist's Dates" every week for inspiration. Because you have to fill up the well or something like that. So you have experiences to draw on. Experiences that aren't colored by the presence of another person. I'm excited - I'm starting to kind of like my own company, even if that's a little arrogant to say. I'm a super awesome date, in my humble opinion. And I'm looking forward to some of the adventures I have planned for 2020.

"I Don't Care" Video