"Consequences" by Camila Cabello

Happy Yule, my friends! For the Winter Solstice, I picked a song that explores some personal darkness. In pagan traditions, from Samhain to Yule, the focus is usually on introspection and self-awareness. In modern witchcraft, we focus a lot on shadow work as a means of enhancing our magical practice. You may have heard me mention shadow work a few times. For those of you who aren't practicing pagans/witches and/or don't have a degree in Psychology, the shadow is a concept introduced by Carl Jung, which represents all the dark/unpleasant parts of our personality that we generally try to repress or hide. Shadow work involves exploring the shadow, with a heavy emphasis on confronting our demons and becoming comfortable with expressing those parts of ourselves in a psychologically healthy manner. For example, if you drink a lot and do things you regret while under the influence, you might explore why you're drinking or why you feel like you have to drink in certain situations. Or perhaps you get irrationally angry or depressed when people bring up certain topics, you would try to understand why you have such a strong emotional reaction. This understanding is supposed to make these situations easier to handle and - in cases that involve addiction and self-destructive tendencies - be able to cope without to resorting to these things. The Alcoholics Anonymous 12 steps was influenced by Jung's theory, but even non-structured shadow work can be a helpful way to get through a lot of difficult life circumstances - eating disorders, divorce, death, job transitions - really any major changes that can affect your psychological stability.

Now that we know what shadow work is, we can discuss how to do it. It's actually pretty simple stuff.

1. Watch your emotional reactions and pay attention to what triggers really strong negative feelings. A lot of the time, we get angry at someone and then we realize that's something you also do. By recognizing and understanding this, we grow compassion for others and for ourselves.
2. Engage in an inner dialogue. This is especially important when you've hurt others. You need to step back and ask yourself, "Why did I do or say that?" When you understand your reasoning, defensiveness drops away. This allows you to be more genuine in your apologies and repair relationships more effectively. Being able to acknowledge that you were wrong and taking responsibility for the things you've done is very important if you want relationships to work. It's also important after a relationship has ended, so you can move on and not make the same mistakes.
3. Make peace with the "bad" parts of yourself. You don't have to be "good" all the time. Usually, what we consider as "good" is just what society has deemed as acceptable. But that doesn't mean the rest is bad. It's okay to be lazy sometimes. It's okay to be undisciplined or flakey or uncommunicative. Become comfortable with that. I think this is probably the hardest part for most people. We spend so much time trying to be perfect. But we're imperfect. And all this striving for perfect makes us forget to appreciate the good in things, because they weren't "just right" or didn't go as planned. 

There are many methods to do the above things. You can journal (I personally do a lot of journaling). You can meditate. You can create something (which is where I'm going with this rant). You can do something that you're scared to do. But, no matter what you do, you have to make sure that you're cultivating self-compassion and self-awareness. You're not bashing on yourself - quite the opposite. You're actually just giving yourself the time to process your emotions and thoughts that no one else was willing to give you. And ensure that you're honest with yourself. I know there's illusions we want to cling to because it's safer, it makes us feel better - but, trust me, living in that false reality doesn't serve your highest self. Finally, after shadow work, make sure you engage in self-care. Get an ice cream or a massage or chill on the couch and watch your favorite movie (even though it makes you cry like a baby....no, fuck it - ESPECIALLY if it makes you cry like a baby).

Loving you was young, and wild, and free

Loving you was cool, and hot, and sweet

Loving you was sunshine, safe and sound

A steady place to let down my defenses

But loving you had consequences

This rant is already pretty long but I did want to address why I love this song. This is the third single from Camila Cabello's debut album, which was released at the end of October. Usually, with pop music, music executives want singles to be upbeat and catchy, but I think they got it right with "Consequences." It's incredibly vulnerable and emotionally charged, but with a softness that can only evolve from self-reflection. Cabello has said this was based on a past relationship. Based on the lyrics, I'm guessing he was an alcoholic and she tried to hold on but she was drowning. I'm listening to the rest of her album right now and it sounds like a lot of it was born out of this relationship. I know a lot of people think that pop music is vapid and shallow - and that was very true a few years ago. But I think we've gotten to a good place, where pop music has a lot of depth. You're also seeing a trend in pop artists writing their own lyrics (with a little help from professional song-writers and collaborators), so we are - in fact! - listening to their shadow work, listening to them process their emotions and inner turmoil through music. And that's all art is, essentially - someone felt an emotion really strongly that they had to create something from it. They either had to write a book or a song, they had to dance or paint, they had to fucking do something! Something to keep them from exploding from the pain or the happiness. Creation comes naturally when you're not holding stuff inside, when you're not repressing parts of yourself that make you unique.

Just a few notes on the video - Camila Cabello and Dylan Sprouse (of "The Suite Life of Zack and Cody" fame) reenact scenes from an old relationship. They're supposed to be memories, so all their scenes have them covered in a gold haze, which makes them both look like angels, even during the not-so-pleasant parts of their relationship. While those scenes are going on, Camila is walking through a park alone, looking super sad. But you can tell that she doesn't blame him for anything - honestly, even from the lyrics in the song, I think she's putting way too much blame on herself. But some things we can't control. That's the big lesson of shadow work - some things are out of our control and the only thing we can do in that case is handle the situation with dignity and compassion.

Alright....I'm seriously done ranting now. Enjoy the video!

"Consequences"