At the start of 2018, I was dealing with the coworker from Hell. Someone so full of his own self-importance that he seemed to suck the air out of the room when he showed up to work. The situation got so toxic, that me and my other teammates would get caught up in bitchfests that lasted for hours just discussing this one person. It was so negative and draining. It didn't help that he was kind of a misogynist and, being that I was the only woman on our team at the time, I felt like I was his favorite person to pick on. So, for months, I had been dealing with snide comments in addition to carrying a team that felt like it was on the verge of collapse every day. There were many days when I wanted to be mean right back, to give him a taste of his own medicine. For example, I would buy my teammates little things to mark the holidays - by the end, I didn't want to include him. I wanted him to know that his presence wasn't wanted anymore, that I didn't consider him part of our team because he didn't act like it. But when Valentine's Day rolled around, I still bought him a little box of chocolates. Because I don't want to be mean - I've been a "mean girl" and that's not who I am. That's not who I want to be.
Around this time, I started talking to a guy from another organization who had a lot of experience dealing with "toxic teams." I wrote a comment in response to one of his blogs - no specifics, just that being in such a negative situation can ruin an otherwise wonderful job. He reached out to me and shared some articles and studies that he wrote in regards to dealing with these situations. Basically, he told me to lead by example and avoid feeding the negativity. Talk to my supervisor about the situation and do my best to be a positive force on the team. "Be the light." That was my mantra. And, eventually, things turned themselves around. That guy isn't on my team anymore - he removed himself from the picture, which ultimately was for the best. Almost a year removed from those days, I'm amazed by the complete transformation. I guess the moral of the story is things get better, as long as you accept help when it's offered and remember the person you want to be. And a little dose of Taylor Swift every day doesn't hurt, either.
You, with your switching sides
And your wildfire lies and your humiliation
You have pointed out my flaws again
As if I don't already see them
I walk with my head down,
Try to block you out 'cause I never impress you
I just want to feel okay again
I bet you got pushed around
Somebody made you cold but the cycle ends right now
'Cause you can't lead me down that road
And you don't know what you don't know
So, Taylor used to be bullied when she was younger and, even now, she's kind of a favorite for tabloid fodder. She wrote "Mean" to remind herself that she's better than those people. Dealing with that stuff messes with your head. I mean - you can kind of see how it's shaped Taylor. Even though in "Mean," she says she wants to be the bigger person, she survives on grudges and admittedly kind of abusive in relationships. Bullying makes people feel like they're not worthy of love and respect, which is a lie - all people are worthy of those things, all people deserve them, regardless of who they are or what they've done. That's what I believe, anyway. Of course, it's not uncommon to get caught in this cycle of bullying. The bullied often become the bullies, because it's a way to feel in control. When I was growing up, after a day of my mom calling me fat, ugly and worthless, I'd turn around and say those same hurtful things to my little sister. I'm not proud of that - if anything, it's one of the things I wish I could change about my life. I've apologized to Vee, but that doesn't undo the damage. The only thing you can do is to go forward and be better. I'm trying to do that. Maybe it's too little, too late, but I'm trying. And that's all we can ask of each other.
I love the "Mean" video because T-Swift looks really beautiful in it. Especially at the end - the subplot of the video is that she's a country girl being tormented by a very stereotypical "Dudley Do-Right" sort of villain. For example, he ties her to the train tracks and then sits and waits for the train. Quelle melodramatique! But, by the end, she's a star in the Big City, and the villain is nowhere in sight. Again - moral of the story is things get better, just focus on what you want to accomplish. OH! And stand up for yourself, don't let others treat you less than you deserve. That's a lesson I'm still learning. Side note: I also like the liberal use of banjos in Taylor's earlier songs. I really like banjo music and I'm really impressed that T-Swift knows how to play it (among the many other instruments she plays). I know - I'm weird like that.
"Mean" Video
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