Friday, March 8, 2019

"She's So High" by Tal Bachman

When I was younger, I loved classic movie actresses. I thought they were glamorous and classy and graceful and amazing in all the ways I could never be. Vivien Leigh, the Hepburns (Katherine and Audrey - no relation), Hedy Lamarr (more on her later), Lauren Bacall, Veronica Lake, and of course, Marilyn Monroe. Marilyn's story was so tragic - she suffered from Borderline Personality Disorder, and based on my experiences with my mother, I really identified with that. I don't have BPD (surprisingly) but learning about Marilyn's struggles with her own identity and her desire for stability that she could never fully attain, I could begin to understand how things looked from my mom's perspective. There was a lot of fear for Marilyn - that no one loved her for her, that she was worthless if she wasn't pretty, the desperation to have a family of her own, a family that wouldn't abandon her. All things I struggled with myself at one point, albeit to a lesser extent. It's unfortunate because Norma Jean - the real person underneath the blonde bombshell persona - was actually pretty great. Norma Jean was very intelligent and empathetic. I feel like to be a good actress, you have to be extremely empathetic, because acting - to me - is simply the art of being human. She loved kids because she was still young at heart. And she wrote a lot - mostly poetry and, in my opinion, it was pretty good. She valued honesty and authenticity - she veritably craved it because it always felt like everyone was lying to her - and you can see that in her poems.

I contrast Marilyn's story with my other favorite actress from my teen years, Audrey Hepburn. I was obsessed with Audrey. I've seen "Breakfast at Tiffany's," "My Fair Lady," "Sabrina," and "Roman Holiday" so many times, I've lost count. She was (and is) everything I would like to be when I grow up. Like Marilyn Monroe, I probably know way too much about Audrey Hepburn's life - I even read a biography on her (and I'm not a big fan of biographies) and wrote a paper on it. I recently ran across a quote from a director who worked with Audrey. A journalist asked "How do you work with Audrey Hepburn and not fall in love with her?" His answer was simple. "You don't." And I believe it. You must understand - she wasn't a perfect person. Hepburn was a hopeless romantic and her love life was....complicated, to say the least. She was married twice (and divorced....twice) and, during both marriages, she had several affairs. And when she did find her dream man, they never married, although they were passionately in love for the last 13 years she was alive. As far as I can tell, he was the only one of her love affairs that wasn't punctured with infidelity.

But, for all her flaws, she was incredibly kind and compassionate. From the way people talk about her, she wasn't exactly Mr. Rogers level as far as kindness goes, but she was pretty darn close. Towards the end of her life, she dedicated the majority of her time to being a Good Will Ambassador for UNICEF and, aside from her love for Robert Wolders and her own children, her work with UNICEF was her greatest passion. Even working with Audrey, people couldn't help but love her and her innocent enthusiasm for life. She was always authentically herself and you can see that in her film work. For a woman that was the epitome of class and grace in the 60s, she was comfortable enough with who she was to do the most embarrassing stuff for a role. If you've seen "Roman Holiday," there's a scene where Audrey does this ridiculous interpretive dance with a bunch of Italian beatniks. As weird as her dance is, she looks so natural doing it, so free, that it doesn't seem weird at all. It's just her, that's just how she is. For a lot of actors, that's a big hurdle to get past because, even though you're pretending to be someone else, there's this mental block that's screaming "You look like an idiot!" Some people have a bigger struggle than others and a few people are lucky enough that they don't have to deal with it hardly at all. I'd like to think I'm finally over that now - that I genuinely don't care how stupid I look because everyone looks stupid sometimes. And I find that people seem to like me more when they realize I'm not as put together as I seem - assuming I let them see that. Another thing that I learned from Audrey Hepburn, which I've tried to incorporate into my soul as much as possible, is that kindness is more important than physical beauty. Not only that, but the idea that to be kind is to be beautiful. That anyone who can put aside their ego, their inhibitions, and be compassionate to another person without expectation is, by default, a beautiful person. A beautiful soul. And you can't hide a beautiful soul. You just can't.

First class, fancy free, she's high society
She's got the best of everything
Why could a guy like me ever really offer?
She's perfect as she can be, why should I even bother, ah ha
Cause she's so high
High above me, she's so lovely
She's so high
Like Cleopatra, Joan of Arc, or Aphrodite
She's so high
High above me

It goes without saying - I like to pretend this song is about me. I think most girls do. As much as I like this song, though, it's kind of problematic. The singer is putting the girl on a pedestal and using that as a justification not to talk to her. I read somewhere that it's not uncommon for beautiful women to have only a few boyfriends during the course of their lives. And to be further hindered in their careers because of their attractiveness. It's because guys are afraid of them. (That's another reason why I don't fuck with cowards - they usually don't give me the option.) I mean, look who he's comparing her to. Cleopatra, who was a fucking ruler of an extremely fundamental ancient civilization. Joan of Arc, who led the French army into victory against the British and is a legit saint. And Aphrodite, who is literally the Goddess of Love. Though I know many women capable of the first two things (and possibly the third - there's no telling how many Immortals live among us), I think it's unfair to leave out what happens to all three of these women. Cleopatra kills herself after her lover died and her country was on the brink of being invaded by the fucking Roman empire. Joan of Arc was burned at the stake because her visions became inconvenient for the ruling elite. And Aphrodite was forced to marry another God that she didn't love and wasn't attracted to simply because "Zeus said so." So like, by not having respecting the girl enough to see her as a real person and approaching her with genuine interest (even if means risking rejection), you are literally limiting her options. And those remaining options may not be that great. Don't get me wrong - women are great. But we're humans, too. No better or worse than men, just a little different (and they're minor differences, in the grand scheme of things).

That's my rant for the day. I'm 3 for 3 on my goal of meditating every day - an intention I set for myself on the New Moon/Ash Wednesday, because I know meditation is important but I don't make time for it. I try to do it before I write so hopefully, that has made these rants a little more coherent because I'm taking the time to gather my thoughts first. Especially for the rants I'm planning this month, a fair bit more research and thought is involved. I'm looking forward to seeing how much these rants evolve and I hope y'all are, too. Thanks for reading!

"She's So High" Video






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